H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S.

Happiness as stated in Wikipedia is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. People say happiness is a choice. It is my belief too, but why am i finding so hard to feel happiness the way i once felt which was effortless and came naturally? Does it mean that i consciously choose to be depressed and upset? I wake up every day reminding myself that it is a fresh new day, to have the hope to achieve something meaningful, if not at least some ease and peace within myself. However, almost every act takes an extra effort, it takes more to smile and it takes even more to laugh. The extra effort seems to yield lesser returns. Though i still smile as usual, the smiles seem a bit unnatural and the hopes seem slim. Why do the past unhappy events keep re-appearing in front of me and flashing in my mind? Why does it take so much to remember happy moments and dismiss the unhappy ones?

I am aware that i am not the only one having setbacks and there are more people having greater problems out there. While everyday we are lamenting about how stressful or boring our jobs bring us, there are people who yearn to be employed but yet unable to due to health problems or other issues. While we fret about how naughty and defiant our children are, there are parents out there who do not have a chance to even hear their child screams or see them demand for the most expensive and useless toy on earth. Whenever i think of all these, i started to feel that i am actually a blessed human, should not have much to gripe about. My case doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg. I can go on and on, talking about depressing stuffs and make myself even more depressed. I think i am not a strong person and truly, i am not. I had better stop going on to where i am now, before i really slip into the disheartened mode. Oh, my, the first entry in just the beginning of the year 2012 is such, will i really remain in this state for the rest of the year? However, i wish not because there are actually things and people that motivate me and by looking at them frequently, i hope to bring joy and laughter in me again.

This entry seems a bit incoherent, i know.