"Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining"

It seems that the flu bug or whatever bug has a liking for Bernice. Almost every month since she turned 6 months old, she has been down with the flu bug, once even with the Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease!

Last Tuesday, the little girl was hit again with an on-off spike fever for the next 5 days. Despite giving her nurofen and paracetamol, her temperature spiked to a peak of 39.5 degrees C during two of the nights. So in the morning we rushed her to the nearby paediatrician whereby we were told that she could be having a viral infection in the throat (her throat was very red) or it might be a dengue fever. In order to diagnose, she needs to have her blood tested, which means finding her tiny veins to poke through the needle! Hence, an arrangement was made and we brought her to the polyclinic at tampines on saturday. During the process, though I was not beside her (i was told to wait outside) I felt like crying to hear her pleading cries and screams, imagining her struggling, as I waited helplessly outside the door. After the test was done, we rushed back with the report to the paediatrician and she concluded that Bernice has a viral infection and that we just have to let it run its course. The lab result for the dengue fever will be out in a few days' time and we will be informed accordingly. Meanwhile we heaved a sign of relief knowing that it wasn't anything serious.

However during that night we noticed that she started to have some red spots around her forhead and face. The next day, more red spots appeared and soon her whole body, arms and legs were covered by them. We panicked and had her sent back to the paediatrician on monday morning. The paediatrician again concluded that the red spots look more like heat rash and that sometimes will appear after a fever. With antibiotic, she was sent home, but we were told to monitor the fever though it was low-grade, and that if it hasn't settle by thursday, she has to be admitted to the hospital.

Thank God that the fever has settled on the very same day and the little girl seemed more cheerful. The lab result for dengue has also shown negative. She is soon slowly gaining back her appetite and be her active self. Throughout this ordeal of her illness, I felt so inadequate each time I forced milk and medicine down her throat, to settle her cries during her sleep and seeing her looking all lifeless and sad.

Other that that, I just feel tired and drained looking after her, waking up at odd hours at night to manage her cries as well as to feed her medicine and check on her temperature. It is a new sense of vulnerability, feeling so helpless to see her in such discomfort and not getting better, something which I've not experienced before I became a mother. Luckily for me, I have a wonderful mother-in-law who is willing to help me take some of these burden.

All I wish for the little girl is for her to be well and happy and I am just trying my best to provide her with the space to grow, activities to learn and helping her grow up to be a well-adjusted, well-rounded happy kid.

Recently I've read something which pretty much described my feelings these days. Below is what I have summed up.

Be contented for happy moments,
Be brave during difficult moments,
Worship God at quiet moments,
Be thankful for every moment.