In a Dilemma...

Just 2 months back, I was dying to have a second child after my second miscarriage. But today, I am so unsure. It seems to be such a straightforward thing, but yet extremely hard on many levels to reach a decision. To have? Or not to have?

Things to have baby no. 2:
1) Little Bernice will have a companion as she grows up (since she can't be left alone) so she can learn to love and care and to share things with. Will she?
2) I love babies, is so fun to watch them.

Things against baby no. 2:
1) I am so afraid to be pregnant. Not because of the unbearable symptoms that most preggers are concerned about, but the symptoms and conditions that I am not not able to control. I already had 2 failed pregnancies which were totally beyond me. I am phobia.
2) I am already 33 and should have the factory shut by now. My eggs will be deteriorating as compared in my twenties, so chances of success are not looking good, i think.
3) I am scared to have Bernice no.2! She is enough for me to handle, let alone 2 of the same kind. On the other hand, I am afraid the new baby will be a total contrast of Bernice in terms of her intelligence. Will I be lucky all the time?
4) I want some personal space for myself. Bernice is already taking up most of my free time, I cannot imagine a second one to add on, even if he/she is an easy one. But yet when i don't spend time with her, guilt swept over me. I wonder what's wrong.
5) I am finally regaining some forms of sanity/routines in my life since the birth of the little one. Have no wish to upset it again. Wonder if it is selfish of me.
6) The maid's contract is going to end in 10 months' time. MIL might not be able to cope looking after another baby alone.
7) I treasure the time spent and the special bond with Bernice that I never want to give up anything for it. I am afraid another baby will take away the special feeling I have for Bernice and vice versa.

7 unfavourable conditions against 2 favourable. The decision should be clear, but yet I am still in such a dilemma. What has got over me?