Parenting

There is someone who once told me that this blog of mine is full of gripes which made me look like an unhappy and sulking person. But that someone may not know that i am one who only like to pen down when i am downcast. I have tried to write about happy things but without much success. I tend to take happy moments for granted, rant in this blog when i feel rotten as it is a place where i can pour my heart out without any disdain or comments. However the lapse of a few months for deserting this blog was not because only happy things happened but i was just too fatigue and not in the mood to write about anything.

Sometimes, i feel so suffocated, irritated, lonely and stressed as the main summation of my emotion. And everytime when this happens, i can feel the little one tumbling inside my tummy. I seriously hope the culprit would be the pregnancy blues or perhaps my freaking varicose veins that bulge and hurts like nobody's business.

My heart aches each time after i took it out on XH whenever i feel totally flustered. At 28 months old, XH can be whining and making senseless fuss over nothing. She is often making a din after waking up from her afternoon nap and be rude to me when i had just wanted to pacify her. Her fire-spitting tantrums from time to time can indeed pissed me off. Daddy's method of disciplined would be giving her a good beating till she stops. But i am not totally supportive of this. However when my patience wears off, I still yell at her to stop followed with a light slap on her thigh or hand. The result? She shrilled even louder than me and hit me hard with all her might. The irritated me would threw dirty glare at her and told her crudely,"You better stop now!" By now, XH would cry and opened her tiny arms to signal me to carry her but only to have me shaked her off childishly. But soon, guilt would have swept over me. At times, the thought of one demised mother whose baby barely turned 1 year old when she passed away suddenly would flash on me (She was someone i know whom i am not so close to). This mother must had so much willing to carry her baby and watch her grow up into a child whose face will lit up even with those nonsensical behaviour. Does it really need a sudden death to happen before we start to learn? I know i sounded so morbid.

I understand that kids will need a lot of time and effort from the parents. They have to be guided, corrected and encouraged. It is believed that there are no child born to be terrible, but just results from ineffective parents.

Parenting, is really no easy feat.

This video below from youtube is quite touching which i thought. It reminded me that parents have to do what they have to do, even though the outcome of their doings may not be cherished. That is perhaps the price of parenthood!