The below paragraph "You're carried by Love" was copied directly from a blog entry by a breast cancer patient who battled with the disease for 5 years before she passed away recently. I acknowledged that this is not copyright, but i just couldn't resist to read this over and over again, so i decided to just copy and put it down here.
I do not know this lady personally, yet i feel somehow connected to her and inspired by reading her blog. I find it quite unbelievable too because i seldom let much emotions came over me when i read others' blog. I don't usually have strong spiritual approach to life, i am not a christian nor catholic in nature, let alone that this lady had mentioned God in most, if not all of her entries in her blog, i am influenced by her! Is my hormones wrecking havoc on me again?
This was what she shared:
You're Carried by Love
I rest my head on the pillow without much rest in my heart.
To-do's swirl around in my mind.
Tasks fall heavy on my shoulders.
I silently pray, "Lord, give the grace for me to carry all of this."
It seems I hear a whisper in response, "Ask instead for the grace to let Me carry you."
I once saw a child carrying a rock too big, determined to take it home. Sweat beading, little feet laboring. Then Daddy came and swooped up His girl. Joy. Giggles. Grace.
She still held the rock but it no longer weighed her down because someone held her.
I fall asleep with a smile...thoughts as light as love.
As i read this, my vision started to blur, i am somehow reminded again to love my love ones unconditionally, especially my closest kins, my hubby and my 2 girls. May she rest in peace and God bless her family (husband and 3 young girls) particularly during this difficult period.
I am touched indefinitely.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S.
Happiness as stated in Wikipedia is a mental state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. People say happiness is a choice. It is my belief too, but why am i finding so hard to feel happiness the way i once felt which was effortless and came naturally? Does it mean that i consciously choose to be depressed and upset? I wake up every day reminding myself that it is a fresh new day, to have the hope to achieve something meaningful, if not at least some ease and peace within myself. However, almost every act takes an extra effort, it takes more to smile and it takes even more to laugh. The extra effort seems to yield lesser returns. Though i still smile as usual, the smiles seem a bit unnatural and the hopes seem slim. Why do the past unhappy events keep re-appearing in front of me and flashing in my mind? Why does it take so much to remember happy moments and dismiss the unhappy ones?
I am aware that i am not the only one having setbacks and there are more people having greater problems out there. While everyday we are lamenting about how stressful or boring our jobs bring us, there are people who yearn to be employed but yet unable to due to health problems or other issues. While we fret about how naughty and defiant our children are, there are parents out there who do not have a chance to even hear their child screams or see them demand for the most expensive and useless toy on earth. Whenever i think of all these, i started to feel that i am actually a blessed human, should not have much to gripe about. My case doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg. I can go on and on, talking about depressing stuffs and make myself even more depressed. I think i am not a strong person and truly, i am not. I had better stop going on to where i am now, before i really slip into the disheartened mode. Oh, my, the first entry in just the beginning of the year 2012 is such, will i really remain in this state for the rest of the year? However, i wish not because there are actually things and people that motivate me and by looking at them frequently, i hope to bring joy and laughter in me again.
This entry seems a bit incoherent, i know.
I am aware that i am not the only one having setbacks and there are more people having greater problems out there. While everyday we are lamenting about how stressful or boring our jobs bring us, there are people who yearn to be employed but yet unable to due to health problems or other issues. While we fret about how naughty and defiant our children are, there are parents out there who do not have a chance to even hear their child screams or see them demand for the most expensive and useless toy on earth. Whenever i think of all these, i started to feel that i am actually a blessed human, should not have much to gripe about. My case doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg. I can go on and on, talking about depressing stuffs and make myself even more depressed. I think i am not a strong person and truly, i am not. I had better stop going on to where i am now, before i really slip into the disheartened mode. Oh, my, the first entry in just the beginning of the year 2012 is such, will i really remain in this state for the rest of the year? However, i wish not because there are actually things and people that motivate me and by looking at them frequently, i hope to bring joy and laughter in me again.
This entry seems a bit incoherent, i know.
Monday, December 12, 2011
The birth story of Alice
I looked at the calender. Suddenly i realised it is already December. How fast!
A year, is it going to be a year soon? I had wanted a hundred times to write this entry, but yet put it off as many times for god knows reasons. As i whisked the photos in my computer today, i decided that i need to get this down to get a photographic memory of her; the birth story of Alice, my beloved second daughter.
It was 12 December 2010 (Sunday)...I didn't exactly remember what went through in the day until i was at my parents' house for dinner around 5pm. I was there with Bernice, hubby and maid and as every week's routine, Bernice had her home-cooked dinner there and playing with the maid while hubby lazed around watching TV. I chatted with my mother as usual until my father came home. My hubby, being a kind soul had certainly been buying dinner for my aged parents and me whenever we were at their place. He always "takes order" for us and made a quick trip for the food. That day however, my father being in his peculiar mood made unreasonable request for dinner and that drove my mother to extreme anger. They quarreled as fiercely as they could and finally before i knew it, i was screaming my lungs out with one hand holding my big pregnant belly to put a stop to it. Minutes later, i realised i was left alone with my argumentative parents. My hubby had left home in a flurry with Bernice and the maid as he could not tolerate the scene. After my parents had settled down, i left for home too.
Back home, still brooding over the unhappy event, the pain started coming in. Nothing horribly uncomfortable but some significant cramps that were semi-regular. The time was around 8.30pm. I thought it might be due to my unsettling stomach because i had a quick and not filling dinner. I rested for a while then i decided that i needed to take a shower around 9pm. By then, i had several cramps that were 15-20 minutes apart. Though this was my second pregnancy, i did not experience cramp pains before as my first born was induced. I wasn't sure they were the "real cramps" or others. I came out of the bathroom and began timing the intervals of the cramps. My due date was supposed to be a week later. In the meantime, i prepared my hospital bag. After half an hour, i could barely stand the pain and i knew i was in full swing and i needed to rush to the hospital. That was around 10.10pm. It was surreal, my hubby and i left bernice with my mum-in-law and we made our way to the hospital. I could barely walk when the contraction came like every 5 minutes.
While in the cab, it was so strange, it was so real and yet i felt that i had dreamed of that moment for so long. I just hit me. Wanting a second child, losing a pregnancy, getting pregnant. Many horrible days during the first trimester which i thought it was all ending with the frequent spotting and the many trips we made to the gynae's room just to see the little heartbeat. Waiting and preparing, finally rejoicing the last few weeks and waiting for the moment to see my baby. I could hardly hold the excitment. I will never forget how it feels like to have the baby in your stomach for the last few hours of your pregancy, you kept wanting to touch it so much.
When we reached the hospital, i could hardly walked and needed to be wheeled into the delivery room. I was quickly instructed to change into the hospital gown. Surprisingly it was the same nurse who attended to me 2 years back when i delivered Bernice. i slipped in the blue gown. i also realised i had a "show" (bleeding). It was 11pm. As i laid on the bed with my water bag burst and the contractions in full force, i still had to answer some general questions asked by the nurse such as drug allery, number of children i have etc. I could not really remember what she asked as i was in so much pain and i still had to answer her? Anyway i was told the Dr Tan was on his way and i begged for anesthesia to get in with an epidural as soon as possible. But, but, alas, the anesthetist was on leave and seeing me in such great pain, the nurse did a check and told me that i was 9cm dilated and it was too late for the epidural.
I was horrified! How could i endure the excruciating pain? For a moment i thought i was going to die, then hubby told me that if our mothers were able deliver babies without epidual, i could do it too! The one thing in my mind then was to get the baby out as soon as possible. I clasped in my fists whenever the contractions came on so often, "ow-ow-ow-ow'd" my way through it and cursed. At this time, Dr Tan came in, he quickly got dressed and he was ready. This was when things became hazy. It all just happened so fast. From the first contraction i experienced at home to lying down the hospital bed, this was it. With Bernice, it took forever, and here i was, everything in less than an hour's time after walking into this place,they were going to tell me to push. With each contraction coming in, the nurse and doctor told me to push. I grasped and i heard "One more push and you can see your baby". Oh it was so hard, i wanted to cry. I pushed. I pushed and finally i saw the tiniest little body came out of me, covered with cheese-like white goo all over her, lungs wailing. The time was 11.55pm. Dr Tan still joked that i had avoided the 13th. A search on the internet shows that this white stuff is call vernix. It covers the baby while it is in the uterus and protects it from being in fluid constantly. As baby's due date approaches the vernix starts to get rubbed off. Most full term babies don't have much left, that explained why Bernice did not have much when she was born.
They put her in my arms. I felt the warmth of her body. She is a lovely girl. The nurse put her on the weighing scale and the doctor proceed to stitched me up.
Fast Forward to 12/12/2011...
Alice turns one. I had her for 365 days already. It feels as though i had just brought her home from the hospital not too long ago. Many people around me keep telling me that she has not reached her development milestones for her age and she is too small and thin even for now. However i am not fazed by that as long as she is a healthy and happy girl.
Happy birthday, my sweetie.
A year, is it going to be a year soon? I had wanted a hundred times to write this entry, but yet put it off as many times for god knows reasons. As i whisked the photos in my computer today, i decided that i need to get this down to get a photographic memory of her; the birth story of Alice, my beloved second daughter.
It was 12 December 2010 (Sunday)...I didn't exactly remember what went through in the day until i was at my parents' house for dinner around 5pm. I was there with Bernice, hubby and maid and as every week's routine, Bernice had her home-cooked dinner there and playing with the maid while hubby lazed around watching TV. I chatted with my mother as usual until my father came home. My hubby, being a kind soul had certainly been buying dinner for my aged parents and me whenever we were at their place. He always "takes order" for us and made a quick trip for the food. That day however, my father being in his peculiar mood made unreasonable request for dinner and that drove my mother to extreme anger. They quarreled as fiercely as they could and finally before i knew it, i was screaming my lungs out with one hand holding my big pregnant belly to put a stop to it. Minutes later, i realised i was left alone with my argumentative parents. My hubby had left home in a flurry with Bernice and the maid as he could not tolerate the scene. After my parents had settled down, i left for home too.
Back home, still brooding over the unhappy event, the pain started coming in. Nothing horribly uncomfortable but some significant cramps that were semi-regular. The time was around 8.30pm. I thought it might be due to my unsettling stomach because i had a quick and not filling dinner. I rested for a while then i decided that i needed to take a shower around 9pm. By then, i had several cramps that were 15-20 minutes apart. Though this was my second pregnancy, i did not experience cramp pains before as my first born was induced. I wasn't sure they were the "real cramps" or others. I came out of the bathroom and began timing the intervals of the cramps. My due date was supposed to be a week later. In the meantime, i prepared my hospital bag. After half an hour, i could barely stand the pain and i knew i was in full swing and i needed to rush to the hospital. That was around 10.10pm. It was surreal, my hubby and i left bernice with my mum-in-law and we made our way to the hospital. I could barely walk when the contraction came like every 5 minutes.
While in the cab, it was so strange, it was so real and yet i felt that i had dreamed of that moment for so long. I just hit me. Wanting a second child, losing a pregnancy, getting pregnant. Many horrible days during the first trimester which i thought it was all ending with the frequent spotting and the many trips we made to the gynae's room just to see the little heartbeat. Waiting and preparing, finally rejoicing the last few weeks and waiting for the moment to see my baby. I could hardly hold the excitment. I will never forget how it feels like to have the baby in your stomach for the last few hours of your pregancy, you kept wanting to touch it so much.
When we reached the hospital, i could hardly walked and needed to be wheeled into the delivery room. I was quickly instructed to change into the hospital gown. Surprisingly it was the same nurse who attended to me 2 years back when i delivered Bernice. i slipped in the blue gown. i also realised i had a "show" (bleeding). It was 11pm. As i laid on the bed with my water bag burst and the contractions in full force, i still had to answer some general questions asked by the nurse such as drug allery, number of children i have etc. I could not really remember what she asked as i was in so much pain and i still had to answer her? Anyway i was told the Dr Tan was on his way and i begged for anesthesia to get in with an epidural as soon as possible. But, but, alas, the anesthetist was on leave and seeing me in such great pain, the nurse did a check and told me that i was 9cm dilated and it was too late for the epidural.
I was horrified! How could i endure the excruciating pain? For a moment i thought i was going to die, then hubby told me that if our mothers were able deliver babies without epidual, i could do it too! The one thing in my mind then was to get the baby out as soon as possible. I clasped in my fists whenever the contractions came on so often, "ow-ow-ow-ow'd" my way through it and cursed. At this time, Dr Tan came in, he quickly got dressed and he was ready. This was when things became hazy. It all just happened so fast. From the first contraction i experienced at home to lying down the hospital bed, this was it. With Bernice, it took forever, and here i was, everything in less than an hour's time after walking into this place,they were going to tell me to push. With each contraction coming in, the nurse and doctor told me to push. I grasped and i heard "One more push and you can see your baby". Oh it was so hard, i wanted to cry. I pushed. I pushed and finally i saw the tiniest little body came out of me, covered with cheese-like white goo all over her, lungs wailing. The time was 11.55pm. Dr Tan still joked that i had avoided the 13th. A search on the internet shows that this white stuff is call vernix. It covers the baby while it is in the uterus and protects it from being in fluid constantly. As baby's due date approaches the vernix starts to get rubbed off. Most full term babies don't have much left, that explained why Bernice did not have much when she was born.
They put her in my arms. I felt the warmth of her body. She is a lovely girl. The nurse put her on the weighing scale and the doctor proceed to stitched me up.
Fast Forward to 12/12/2011...
Alice turns one. I had her for 365 days already. It feels as though i had just brought her home from the hospital not too long ago. Many people around me keep telling me that she has not reached her development milestones for her age and she is too small and thin even for now. However i am not fazed by that as long as she is a healthy and happy girl.
Happy birthday, my sweetie.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
180 Degree Transformation
That day as i rummaged through a pile of old documents in a cabinet at my workplace, i came across an old photograph of myself some 7 or 8 years back. One instant look at the photo, i was able to convince myself how radiant and fresh young-looking i was back then. Ok, i know i sounded thick-skinned but i must re-emphasized that i was indeed pleasant-looking at that time!
I remembered that this picture was taken in a lab in NUS which i was working in. Of course no make-up was worn and the clothes were of no fashion, most casual and crappy type. Yet i still looked quite alright overall. Then immediately i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is still long, but the texture is really bad now with those flyaways and over-processed, damaged look. My eyes seem to be much more droopy and lifeless with those horribe dark circles and i also notice fine lines around them. My cheeks are no longer as supple and radiant as before and they sunken like those of a shrunken old woman! I looked like a different person from the photo. I wonder if my 3-year-old will recognize me if i ever showed her the photo.
Then i came to terms that once a woman becomes a mum, she immediately carries the responsibility of looking after the little one who is looking up to her for protection, guidance and love. You no longer have the luxury time to doll yourself up, do manicures, meticulously squeeze out that pimple on your face or take long shower baths. You don't bother to suck in your tummy to fit into a tight dress. Everyday you will wear those loose tops just to hide that post-baby sagging tummy and who cares whether they are pretty or not so long as you feel comfortable. You now wear flats as it is easier to run after the toddler and safer to carry the little baby in your hands, minimizing the chance of falling on all fours. And who has time for make-ups when you can barely catch your forty winks?
Well, from time to time, i keep reminding myself that i need to maintain an "OK" look on a day to day basis despite what most people think that mommies do not really need to dress up (although there are still a number of hot mommies around). Till date i have not found a fashion style that really suits my post-natal body, lifestyle and budget yet. So, in the meantime, I think i will continue to look shabby since i am not a narcissist to begin with. It will probably take a long time before i start grooming myself again.
Pic of me 7 or 8 years back
Another pic of me when younger
I remembered that this picture was taken in a lab in NUS which i was working in. Of course no make-up was worn and the clothes were of no fashion, most casual and crappy type. Yet i still looked quite alright overall. Then immediately i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is still long, but the texture is really bad now with those flyaways and over-processed, damaged look. My eyes seem to be much more droopy and lifeless with those horribe dark circles and i also notice fine lines around them. My cheeks are no longer as supple and radiant as before and they sunken like those of a shrunken old woman! I looked like a different person from the photo. I wonder if my 3-year-old will recognize me if i ever showed her the photo.
Then i came to terms that once a woman becomes a mum, she immediately carries the responsibility of looking after the little one who is looking up to her for protection, guidance and love. You no longer have the luxury time to doll yourself up, do manicures, meticulously squeeze out that pimple on your face or take long shower baths. You don't bother to suck in your tummy to fit into a tight dress. Everyday you will wear those loose tops just to hide that post-baby sagging tummy and who cares whether they are pretty or not so long as you feel comfortable. You now wear flats as it is easier to run after the toddler and safer to carry the little baby in your hands, minimizing the chance of falling on all fours. And who has time for make-ups when you can barely catch your forty winks?
Well, from time to time, i keep reminding myself that i need to maintain an "OK" look on a day to day basis despite what most people think that mommies do not really need to dress up (although there are still a number of hot mommies around). Till date i have not found a fashion style that really suits my post-natal body, lifestyle and budget yet. So, in the meantime, I think i will continue to look shabby since i am not a narcissist to begin with. It will probably take a long time before i start grooming myself again.
Pic of me 7 or 8 years back
Another pic of me when younger
Monday, September 13, 2010
Parenting
There is someone who once told me that this blog of mine is full of gripes which made me look like an unhappy and sulking person. But that someone may not know that i am one who only like to pen down when i am downcast. I have tried to write about happy things but without much success. I tend to take happy moments for granted, rant in this blog when i feel rotten as it is a place where i can pour my heart out without any disdain or comments. However the lapse of a few months for deserting this blog was not because only happy things happened but i was just too fatigue and not in the mood to write about anything.
Sometimes, i feel so suffocated, irritated, lonely and stressed as the main summation of my emotion. And everytime when this happens, i can feel the little one tumbling inside my tummy. I seriously hope the culprit would be the pregnancy blues or perhaps my freaking varicose veins that bulge and hurts like nobody's business.
My heart aches each time after i took it out on XH whenever i feel totally flustered. At 28 months old, XH can be whining and making senseless fuss over nothing. She is often making a din after waking up from her afternoon nap and be rude to me when i had just wanted to pacify her. Her fire-spitting tantrums from time to time can indeed pissed me off. Daddy's method of disciplined would be giving her a good beating till she stops. But i am not totally supportive of this. However when my patience wears off, I still yell at her to stop followed with a light slap on her thigh or hand. The result? She shrilled even louder than me and hit me hard with all her might. The irritated me would threw dirty glare at her and told her crudely,"You better stop now!" By now, XH would cry and opened her tiny arms to signal me to carry her but only to have me shaked her off childishly. But soon, guilt would have swept over me. At times, the thought of one demised mother whose baby barely turned 1 year old when she passed away suddenly would flash on me (She was someone i know whom i am not so close to). This mother must had so much willing to carry her baby and watch her grow up into a child whose face will lit up even with those nonsensical behaviour. Does it really need a sudden death to happen before we start to learn? I know i sounded so morbid.
I understand that kids will need a lot of time and effort from the parents. They have to be guided, corrected and encouraged. It is believed that there are no child born to be terrible, but just results from ineffective parents.
Parenting, is really no easy feat.
This video below from youtube is quite touching which i thought. It reminded me that parents have to do what they have to do, even though the outcome of their doings may not be cherished. That is perhaps the price of parenthood!
Sometimes, i feel so suffocated, irritated, lonely and stressed as the main summation of my emotion. And everytime when this happens, i can feel the little one tumbling inside my tummy. I seriously hope the culprit would be the pregnancy blues or perhaps my freaking varicose veins that bulge and hurts like nobody's business.
My heart aches each time after i took it out on XH whenever i feel totally flustered. At 28 months old, XH can be whining and making senseless fuss over nothing. She is often making a din after waking up from her afternoon nap and be rude to me when i had just wanted to pacify her. Her fire-spitting tantrums from time to time can indeed pissed me off. Daddy's method of disciplined would be giving her a good beating till she stops. But i am not totally supportive of this. However when my patience wears off, I still yell at her to stop followed with a light slap on her thigh or hand. The result? She shrilled even louder than me and hit me hard with all her might. The irritated me would threw dirty glare at her and told her crudely,"You better stop now!" By now, XH would cry and opened her tiny arms to signal me to carry her but only to have me shaked her off childishly. But soon, guilt would have swept over me. At times, the thought of one demised mother whose baby barely turned 1 year old when she passed away suddenly would flash on me (She was someone i know whom i am not so close to). This mother must had so much willing to carry her baby and watch her grow up into a child whose face will lit up even with those nonsensical behaviour. Does it really need a sudden death to happen before we start to learn? I know i sounded so morbid.
I understand that kids will need a lot of time and effort from the parents. They have to be guided, corrected and encouraged. It is believed that there are no child born to be terrible, but just results from ineffective parents.
Parenting, is really no easy feat.
This video below from youtube is quite touching which i thought. It reminded me that parents have to do what they have to do, even though the outcome of their doings may not be cherished. That is perhaps the price of parenthood!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Random things in the past weeks
Some witty/funny remarks from XH (in her exact words):
Scenario 1:
We were waiting for the train at the MRT platform.
XH (in sudden earnest thoughts, then pointed to the lift next to her) : Lift spoiled...
Me and papa (turned to her direction and indeed we saw a sign that says " Lift under repair". Our eyes wide in amazement) : Ya, lift spoilt :O
Scenario 2:
XH: Mummy, come! I do massage. You lie down. Then she proceed to push me down onto the bed.
Me: Ah, you do massage for me?
XH: I do massage for you (with her tiny hands patting and stroking my back).
Me: Emm... so nice...
XH: Nice? You sleeping ah?
Me: (pretend to be sleeping) yes...
XH: (paused for a while) i stand...and she stepped on my back and jerked around happily.
Me: Aiyo....no...
XH: She lost her balance and fell onto the bed, and she giggled away almost instantly.
Scenario 3:
Me: How old are you?
XH: (full of zeal) 2 year old, 2 year old!
Me: What is your name?
XH: Nei Pu Pu, haha...
Me: -_-
Scenario 4:
Me: Now, you count after me. Yi, er, san...si, wu, liu...qi, ba jiu... shi (1-10 in chinese)
XH: Yiii, er, san...wu, ba, jiu...shhhhi! Hahaha!* Breaks out in madcap laughter*
Scenario 5:
We were out in the shopping centre. XH came face to face with another girl of about her same age. Both were looking at each other silently.
XH: (Went closer and closer to the girl and finally she broke the silent and spoke softly,) Tan Xin Hui...
Me (in my thoughts): She wanted to introduce herself. So cute. :)
Scenario 6:
Papa: If you still don't want to sleep, the police uncle will come. (Then he pretends to be the police uncle and knocks on the bedroom door). *Knock, Knock*
XH: (Glanced out of the ajar door). No police uncle, that one papa lar!
Papa and Me: :O
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
I presume that all toddlers will develop an affinity for animals at some point of time and will probably have a favourite animal of their own. Well, XH i thought for once fall under the "non-conventional" category since she doesn't seem to like any animals, be it soft toys or others. But recently, she has developed a liking for a soft toy tiger which we bought for only $2 at a pasah malem during chinese new year. Everything that she does, she includes the tiger in. When she eats her cereal or porridge, she feeds the tiger. When she drinks milk and water, she feeds it. Even when she bathes, she wants to bathe the tiger too (of course i stopped her). Inevitably she must sleep with the tiger every night. And she insists on taking a photo with the tiger daily before bedtime. Haha... Here is a picture of her and her favourite tiger of now.
Scenario 1:
We were waiting for the train at the MRT platform.
XH (in sudden earnest thoughts, then pointed to the lift next to her) : Lift spoiled...
Me and papa (turned to her direction and indeed we saw a sign that says " Lift under repair". Our eyes wide in amazement) : Ya, lift spoilt :O
Scenario 2:
XH: Mummy, come! I do massage. You lie down. Then she proceed to push me down onto the bed.
Me: Ah, you do massage for me?
XH: I do massage for you (with her tiny hands patting and stroking my back).
Me: Emm... so nice...
XH: Nice? You sleeping ah?
Me: (pretend to be sleeping) yes...
XH: (paused for a while) i stand...and she stepped on my back and jerked around happily.
Me: Aiyo....no...
XH: She lost her balance and fell onto the bed, and she giggled away almost instantly.
Scenario 3:
Me: How old are you?
XH: (full of zeal) 2 year old, 2 year old!
Me: What is your name?
XH: Nei Pu Pu, haha...
Me: -_-
Scenario 4:
Me: Now, you count after me. Yi, er, san...si, wu, liu...qi, ba jiu... shi (1-10 in chinese)
XH: Yiii, er, san...wu, ba, jiu...shhhhi! Hahaha!* Breaks out in madcap laughter*
Scenario 5:
We were out in the shopping centre. XH came face to face with another girl of about her same age. Both were looking at each other silently.
XH: (Went closer and closer to the girl and finally she broke the silent and spoke softly,) Tan Xin Hui...
Me (in my thoughts): She wanted to introduce herself. So cute. :)
Scenario 6:
Papa: If you still don't want to sleep, the police uncle will come. (Then he pretends to be the police uncle and knocks on the bedroom door). *Knock, Knock*
XH: (Glanced out of the ajar door). No police uncle, that one papa lar!
Papa and Me: :O
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
I presume that all toddlers will develop an affinity for animals at some point of time and will probably have a favourite animal of their own. Well, XH i thought for once fall under the "non-conventional" category since she doesn't seem to like any animals, be it soft toys or others. But recently, she has developed a liking for a soft toy tiger which we bought for only $2 at a pasah malem during chinese new year. Everything that she does, she includes the tiger in. When she eats her cereal or porridge, she feeds the tiger. When she drinks milk and water, she feeds it. Even when she bathes, she wants to bathe the tiger too (of course i stopped her). Inevitably she must sleep with the tiger every night. And she insists on taking a photo with the tiger daily before bedtime. Haha... Here is a picture of her and her favourite tiger of now.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Blessings
I wonder if i am the only parent who constantly face a power struggle between myself and my child. Recently, XH has becomes really whiny. Maybe she knows what is right or wrong, but she is determined to stand her ground and refuses to be bossed around. Of course she has her own free will too. While i know that what i am doing as a parent is good for her, to make her feel secure and happy, it is really energy sucking when she is defiant and throw tantrums.
Examples of the common: Told her not to touch this and she grabs it tight in her hands. Well, the forbidden fruit is priceless. While i try to explain the reason why and offered another item to her, she rejected and started to whine.
Another example is when i bathe her. She will continue to play in the bathroom and let the water run non-stop even when she is done with her shower. And when i try to coax her to stop, she scowls with lips pouted. I had to pull her out and so she started her crying and kicking again. While i know that such struggle would put a crack in the relationship with my child if it is extended over a period of time, i find it hard to always nurture a loving relationship with her though i am aware that it should be the first and foremost. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
However i am still so thankful to God for bringing XH into our lives, despite the challenging conditions i have to face while she was in my womb 2 years ago. I can vividly recollect since the day i became preggy, i have to visit the gynae's clinc every week for 3 months instead of the normal monthly visit to get my constant supply of hormone pills and injections and utrasound scans just to stabilise the foetus. I lived in fear every other day that i might lose her due to spotting and bleeding or other missing symptoms. I was so relieved and delighted on the day i delivered her.
So isn't this contrary that when our kids were still zygotes or foetuses in our bodies, we prayed hard for a healthy baby. When they were born, we fret about how naughty and defiant they are, sigh and be discontent when they are not behaving well or the way we want them to be. Hmm, i think it is time for us to count our blessings instead of woes at times like that.
I love my baby so much. For now i learn to cherish every simple little moment in life with her that are so easily forgotten, before she grows up quickly right before my eyes.
Examples of the common: Told her not to touch this and she grabs it tight in her hands. Well, the forbidden fruit is priceless. While i try to explain the reason why and offered another item to her, she rejected and started to whine.
Another example is when i bathe her. She will continue to play in the bathroom and let the water run non-stop even when she is done with her shower. And when i try to coax her to stop, she scowls with lips pouted. I had to pull her out and so she started her crying and kicking again. While i know that such struggle would put a crack in the relationship with my child if it is extended over a period of time, i find it hard to always nurture a loving relationship with her though i am aware that it should be the first and foremost. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
However i am still so thankful to God for bringing XH into our lives, despite the challenging conditions i have to face while she was in my womb 2 years ago. I can vividly recollect since the day i became preggy, i have to visit the gynae's clinc every week for 3 months instead of the normal monthly visit to get my constant supply of hormone pills and injections and utrasound scans just to stabilise the foetus. I lived in fear every other day that i might lose her due to spotting and bleeding or other missing symptoms. I was so relieved and delighted on the day i delivered her.
So isn't this contrary that when our kids were still zygotes or foetuses in our bodies, we prayed hard for a healthy baby. When they were born, we fret about how naughty and defiant they are, sigh and be discontent when they are not behaving well or the way we want them to be. Hmm, i think it is time for us to count our blessings instead of woes at times like that.
I love my baby so much. For now i learn to cherish every simple little moment in life with her that are so easily forgotten, before she grows up quickly right before my eyes.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Tot's Act of late
Ever since XH (in short Bernice) fell sick 2 weeks ago, with upper respiratory tract infection, she fusses over every single little thing. She will start wailing for hours with all her might for no particular reason, leaving me drained of all strength. And the worst of all is she doesn't want to let daddy console or carry her, she only wants ME! Imagine coming back from a day's of work, dead from my feet, i have to deal with her hysterical cries, incessable tantrums and whatever nonsense she threw at me. I get screamed at her frequently and "tortures" me for her own amusement. And late at night, i am not able to have restful sleep. She yells out of a sudden when she is already asleep and continues till her tears dried up! I endure the day with only that 3-4 hours of sleep every night. Sometimes i really wish that i can cast her aside, yet i know that i am responsible for her life, her well-being. For now, my love for her is unconditional, nobody has yet made me feel that way. I swear i will give my life for her.
x x x x x x x x
On a happier note, sometimes, when i look at XH, i think she is actually a 20 year-old adult trapped in a tiny 20-months old's body. =_= For example:
When she sees that there are bits and pieces of tissues on the floor, she sweeps the floor till it is spick-and-span, carefully emptying all the contents in the dustpan into the dustbin.
She is too observant for her age, pointing to a tiny mango hanging from a big mango tree outside our house. She notices light flashing from the headlight of a bicycle from a far distance.
She directs me to her lost pillow lying beside a camouflaged toy in the store room.
She improvises new lyrics and tunes to songs to suit new occasion. She sings: Rain, rain, go "gai gai" take umbrella.. when actually it should be Rain, Rain, go away, come again another day. Another one is : London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London bridge is falling down, my friend uncle?!
When she sees that my hair turns messy, quickly she grabs a comb and comb through my hair. After that she says :"nice, nice." :D
Honestly, sometimes i don't know what to say about her (-_-)
x x x x x x x x
On a happier note, sometimes, when i look at XH, i think she is actually a 20 year-old adult trapped in a tiny 20-months old's body. =_= For example:
When she sees that there are bits and pieces of tissues on the floor, she sweeps the floor till it is spick-and-span, carefully emptying all the contents in the dustpan into the dustbin.
She is too observant for her age, pointing to a tiny mango hanging from a big mango tree outside our house. She notices light flashing from the headlight of a bicycle from a far distance.
She directs me to her lost pillow lying beside a camouflaged toy in the store room.
She improvises new lyrics and tunes to songs to suit new occasion. She sings: Rain, rain, go "gai gai" take umbrella.. when actually it should be Rain, Rain, go away, come again another day. Another one is : London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London bridge is falling down, my friend uncle?!
When she sees that my hair turns messy, quickly she grabs a comb and comb through my hair. After that she says :"nice, nice." :D
Honestly, sometimes i don't know what to say about her (-_-)
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Day of A SAHM
Last week, as mum-in-law went for a one week holiday, i had to take leave to look after the little munchkin. It was then that i realised how being a SAHM (aka stay-at-home-mum)was like. Strangely, it wasn't the first time i took long leave to look after my baby, but i totally felt different this time round. There are many misconceptions about stay home mummies. First and foremost, i do not have the luxury of time. The day goes like this:
8.00am-9.00am: The little terror wakes up crying (9 out of 10 times). Console and cuddle her for about 15 mins to settle her.
9.30am: I brushed my teeth and wash up before making her cereal to eat. Went after her in order to feed her while she uses her boundless energy to play.
10.00am: Bring her out for morning walk downstairs, sometimes to the playground (if weather permits).
10.45am: Shower her and dress her (dressing her takes a toil too). Prepare ingredients for maid to cook lunch.
11.00am: Engage in playing toys or ball or sings to her.
11.30-12.00pm: Make her milk and feed her. Continue with play.
1.00pm: She takes her nap which i rejoice much. Yippee! I sort out bills that need to be paid, and whatever that needs to be done. Cut the little girl's nails(bcos she doesn't let me do it when she's awake), take my lunch, shit, rest by indulging in some TV watching or surfing the net and taking a catnap if the little one still hasn't wake up.
2.30pm-3.00pm: (depending on the duration of her sleep) Wakes up crying (again 9 out of 10 times). Make her milk and feed her.
3.30pm: Playtime again. Bring out her box of toys for her to explore and play. She roams round the house with me stalking her. I also start preparing her dinner.
4.30pm: Bring her out for nature walk in the park near our house, and to the playground. She runs, climbs, goes down the slides, looks at the water in the drain (i don't know why she likes it so much) and whatever she wants to do, all with me chasing after her!
5.30pm: Bring her home and clean her up lightly.
6.00pm: Feed her dinner (with cajoling).
6.30pm: Shower and change her.
7.00pm: The family goes out for dinner and do a bit of shopping.
9.30pm: Come home, make her milk and feed her. Sometimes the little girl falls asleep after finishing her milk, otherwise she roams the house with or without toys till she feels sleepy.
10.30pm: Tuck her into bed and change her diapers. She usually falls asleep by 11.00pm to 11.30pm (depending on how active she is).
11.00pm: I do whatever chores that needs to be done such as washing milk bottles, measuring out milk formula into container and packing up the toys left behind by the little girl. Wash up to prepare to go to bed.
11.30pm: Collapse into my beloved bed. Lights out.
2.00am-4.00am: Awake by her sudden cries (not all times). Get up to settle her cries , otherwise the following continue.
6.00am: Make her milk and feed her while she is sleeping.
6.30am: I go back to bed and the whole cycle repeats.
I used to think that a SAHM can do anything they like becos they have all the time at home to do what they want to do but i was so wrong. And to think that i have already minus off the housework and cooking becos i have a helper, if not i think i would end up dead.
Till now, i am sure that i am not ready for this 24/7 kind of committment yet. I am always trying to be a good mummy but how to define a really good mummy, i seriously don't know. So being a working mum is still a better choice for me. SAHM maybe when i am rich enough to be a tai-tai or morphed into an "obasan."
However her cheery smile takes away my fatigue at the end of the day :)
8.00am-9.00am: The little terror wakes up crying (9 out of 10 times). Console and cuddle her for about 15 mins to settle her.
9.30am: I brushed my teeth and wash up before making her cereal to eat. Went after her in order to feed her while she uses her boundless energy to play.
10.00am: Bring her out for morning walk downstairs, sometimes to the playground (if weather permits).
10.45am: Shower her and dress her (dressing her takes a toil too). Prepare ingredients for maid to cook lunch.
11.00am: Engage in playing toys or ball or sings to her.
11.30-12.00pm: Make her milk and feed her. Continue with play.
1.00pm: She takes her nap which i rejoice much. Yippee! I sort out bills that need to be paid, and whatever that needs to be done. Cut the little girl's nails(bcos she doesn't let me do it when she's awake), take my lunch, shit, rest by indulging in some TV watching or surfing the net and taking a catnap if the little one still hasn't wake up.
2.30pm-3.00pm: (depending on the duration of her sleep) Wakes up crying (again 9 out of 10 times). Make her milk and feed her.
3.30pm: Playtime again. Bring out her box of toys for her to explore and play. She roams round the house with me stalking her. I also start preparing her dinner.
4.30pm: Bring her out for nature walk in the park near our house, and to the playground. She runs, climbs, goes down the slides, looks at the water in the drain (i don't know why she likes it so much) and whatever she wants to do, all with me chasing after her!
5.30pm: Bring her home and clean her up lightly.
6.00pm: Feed her dinner (with cajoling).
6.30pm: Shower and change her.
7.00pm: The family goes out for dinner and do a bit of shopping.
9.30pm: Come home, make her milk and feed her. Sometimes the little girl falls asleep after finishing her milk, otherwise she roams the house with or without toys till she feels sleepy.
10.30pm: Tuck her into bed and change her diapers. She usually falls asleep by 11.00pm to 11.30pm (depending on how active she is).
11.00pm: I do whatever chores that needs to be done such as washing milk bottles, measuring out milk formula into container and packing up the toys left behind by the little girl. Wash up to prepare to go to bed.
11.30pm: Collapse into my beloved bed. Lights out.
2.00am-4.00am: Awake by her sudden cries (not all times). Get up to settle her cries , otherwise the following continue.
6.00am: Make her milk and feed her while she is sleeping.
6.30am: I go back to bed and the whole cycle repeats.
I used to think that a SAHM can do anything they like becos they have all the time at home to do what they want to do but i was so wrong. And to think that i have already minus off the housework and cooking becos i have a helper, if not i think i would end up dead.
Till now, i am sure that i am not ready for this 24/7 kind of committment yet. I am always trying to be a good mummy but how to define a really good mummy, i seriously don't know. So being a working mum is still a better choice for me. SAHM maybe when i am rich enough to be a tai-tai or morphed into an "obasan."
However her cheery smile takes away my fatigue at the end of the day :)
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Careless Mommy
Haven't been writing for a while, i blamed it on my chronic sleep deprivation which partially cloud my brain for remembering some stuffs. Ahem, this seems to be always the best excuse for my forgetfulness and lack of motivation to do something. Bleah.
Well, the fact is that of late, i haven't been to any interesting places nor do any exciting things with my little munchkin that warrant my attention. All we did was to entertain each other with inanimated toys and sometimes engaged in pretend play. What humdrum lifestyle we have, u must be thinking.
At 17 months old, this toddler of mine is getting highly active. So active that I can hardly manage her. Sometimes i even worry that she will suffer from "Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder" (ADHD). (O well, maybe too much toxins have gotten to my head already). By not paying enough attention on her, some accidents could have occur. This was what happened.
The day began unevenfully and almost ended uneventfully too till we came back from dinner. It was a Saturday. While waiting for the lift to our home, the little girl as usual was in her exploration mode, seeing and touching lift buttons and whatever nonsense she could find around her. The lift came and we went in. The little imp was running in circles in the lift while i tried to dish out my house keys. All of a sudden she dashed out to reach for the alarm bell button, and in a split second i saw her fingers caught in the lift door frame as the door slid opened at that time. I freaked out. My first instinct was to pull her hand out, but by doing that could hurt her more, so i stopped and stood aghast at the sight of her screams and cries. Daddy quickly pried open the thick door with all his strength to make way for her fingers. The sliding door disclosed a tiny clear space, which is enough for me to quickly pull her fingers out. I hugged her and pat her fingers in the midst of her hysterical cry which i supposed the whole block of residents could have heard her.
Back into our home, the little girl still could not stop crying despite all we have done to console her. I hastily made her milk and fed her. Only then did she settled down and soon fell aslept. While she was sleeping, i examined her fingers and found that her index and middle finger were red swollen with a very slight "dent". I was then very worried whether the incident could have fractured her fingers and i really hate myself for my lack of vigilant attention and supervision towards her. On hindsight, I remembered that this is not the first accident that happened to her. She was at the playground running near the monkey bars when an older boy jumped off from the playgound equipment and hence hit her right on the face (or head? it happened too fast for me to see.) Again, i was careless an dcould have prevented it if i was near her. On another occasion, on the day i was feeling very depressed over the loss of my unborn baby, the little girl was playing with daddy's tubes which were made of glass coated with mercuric oxide internally. I was too distracted to supervise her and hence she picked up two tubes and hit against one another. In a short time, i heard a breaking sound and saw the girl holding the tubes in both her hands. Of of a sudden, i was slapped back to reality, i quickly removed the broken tubes from her hands in the nick of time to prevent any cuts from chemical poisoning!
Above all of these incidents, I had reminded myself time and again never ever to leave this child of mine unattended at any time. Most accidents can be prevented with proper precautions. As a parent, i know that i need to provide a safe environment for my child even at my own home. The lift door accident definitely serves as a wake-up call for me. All because i am not alert enough and usually slow in response, i certainly hope that there will not be any more accidents that may cause hurt or injuries to the little girl, for it may be too high a price for me to pay!
Well, the fact is that of late, i haven't been to any interesting places nor do any exciting things with my little munchkin that warrant my attention. All we did was to entertain each other with inanimated toys and sometimes engaged in pretend play. What humdrum lifestyle we have, u must be thinking.
At 17 months old, this toddler of mine is getting highly active. So active that I can hardly manage her. Sometimes i even worry that she will suffer from "Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder" (ADHD). (O well, maybe too much toxins have gotten to my head already). By not paying enough attention on her, some accidents could have occur. This was what happened.
The day began unevenfully and almost ended uneventfully too till we came back from dinner. It was a Saturday. While waiting for the lift to our home, the little girl as usual was in her exploration mode, seeing and touching lift buttons and whatever nonsense she could find around her. The lift came and we went in. The little imp was running in circles in the lift while i tried to dish out my house keys. All of a sudden she dashed out to reach for the alarm bell button, and in a split second i saw her fingers caught in the lift door frame as the door slid opened at that time. I freaked out. My first instinct was to pull her hand out, but by doing that could hurt her more, so i stopped and stood aghast at the sight of her screams and cries. Daddy quickly pried open the thick door with all his strength to make way for her fingers. The sliding door disclosed a tiny clear space, which is enough for me to quickly pull her fingers out. I hugged her and pat her fingers in the midst of her hysterical cry which i supposed the whole block of residents could have heard her.
Back into our home, the little girl still could not stop crying despite all we have done to console her. I hastily made her milk and fed her. Only then did she settled down and soon fell aslept. While she was sleeping, i examined her fingers and found that her index and middle finger were red swollen with a very slight "dent". I was then very worried whether the incident could have fractured her fingers and i really hate myself for my lack of vigilant attention and supervision towards her. On hindsight, I remembered that this is not the first accident that happened to her. She was at the playground running near the monkey bars when an older boy jumped off from the playgound equipment and hence hit her right on the face (or head? it happened too fast for me to see.) Again, i was careless an dcould have prevented it if i was near her. On another occasion, on the day i was feeling very depressed over the loss of my unborn baby, the little girl was playing with daddy's tubes which were made of glass coated with mercuric oxide internally. I was too distracted to supervise her and hence she picked up two tubes and hit against one another. In a short time, i heard a breaking sound and saw the girl holding the tubes in both her hands. Of of a sudden, i was slapped back to reality, i quickly removed the broken tubes from her hands in the nick of time to prevent any cuts from chemical poisoning!
Above all of these incidents, I had reminded myself time and again never ever to leave this child of mine unattended at any time. Most accidents can be prevented with proper precautions. As a parent, i know that i need to provide a safe environment for my child even at my own home. The lift door accident definitely serves as a wake-up call for me. All because i am not alert enough and usually slow in response, i certainly hope that there will not be any more accidents that may cause hurt or injuries to the little girl, for it may be too high a price for me to pay!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Innocence is Bliss
Some interesting happenings during the past weeks which really amused me:
One day whilst Bernice and i were waiting for a cab to go to grandma's house, i noticed the little girl actually raised one arm as if she was trying to flag down every single cab that passed by (maybe she is able to differentiate between a car and a cab just short of not knowing the differences of what the green and red sign on top of the cab means.) Well, we have been travelling in a cab each time we went out, maybe that explains why as she observes and imitates my actions each time round. Can u picture that? So after we entered the cab and the cab cruised for about 5 minutes when suddenly the liitle girl whispered "neh neh." Huh? My fear came, before i can react to anything, she said it in a much louder tone, "NEH NEH!!" with an accusing finger pointing at the cab driver who is none other than an old indian man. The cab driver must have found it amusing as he turned around and gave a wide smile.
(=_=")
On many other occasions, the little girl seems to be able to recognize our different races. Whenever we walked past an indian man, woman or even a child, she will inevitably utter "neh neh" either audible enough just for my ears or exclaim loud enough for people within earshot.
There was once when we were in a lift. The inside of the lift door is in the form of a mirror. All were silent. She restlessly looked around her and quickly captured the reflection of an indian man standing beside me. As expected, she pointed at the man and shouted, "NEH NEH!"
Immediately, you will noticed some people hiding their smiles in the reflection. Well, at least the word "neh neh" is not something offensive, rather it is a meaning of "brother", so not yet a situation whereby i need to dig a hole in the ground and hide there.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
One day i decided to train Bernice to throw unwanted stuff into the dustbin. So after a few pieces of waste paper was delightfully torn by her, i said: " Now throw all the papers into the dustbin." She turned around to look at me once, her eyes lighted up and in a second, she scooted off with one waste paper to throw into the dustbin. Then she clapped her hands telling me in a way that she has done a good job. I was immediately beaming inside me and proud of myself that i had achieved my purpose effortlessly. Soon, after all the pieces of papers on the floor were religiously thrown by her, she came back to the same spot and realised that there was no more for her. Then she waved her hand and said, "no more..." I said to her as i bend to tidy up some toys on the floor, "Ok, before we go to bed, we need to....." Before i could finish my sentence, she picked up one of her toys on the floor and proceed to throw into the dustbin! To and fro, she repeated this despite me stopping her and seeing me taking back every single toy that she threw. Poooof, I decided to put an end to my exhaustion by putting an end to this. I held her up and proceeded to the bedroom. It is bedtime!
Such acts would have gone undetected or mean nothing for some people, but they greatly perked up a dull day of mine:)
One day whilst Bernice and i were waiting for a cab to go to grandma's house, i noticed the little girl actually raised one arm as if she was trying to flag down every single cab that passed by (maybe she is able to differentiate between a car and a cab just short of not knowing the differences of what the green and red sign on top of the cab means.) Well, we have been travelling in a cab each time we went out, maybe that explains why as she observes and imitates my actions each time round. Can u picture that? So after we entered the cab and the cab cruised for about 5 minutes when suddenly the liitle girl whispered "neh neh." Huh? My fear came, before i can react to anything, she said it in a much louder tone, "NEH NEH!!" with an accusing finger pointing at the cab driver who is none other than an old indian man. The cab driver must have found it amusing as he turned around and gave a wide smile.
(=_=")
On many other occasions, the little girl seems to be able to recognize our different races. Whenever we walked past an indian man, woman or even a child, she will inevitably utter "neh neh" either audible enough just for my ears or exclaim loud enough for people within earshot.
There was once when we were in a lift. The inside of the lift door is in the form of a mirror. All were silent. She restlessly looked around her and quickly captured the reflection of an indian man standing beside me. As expected, she pointed at the man and shouted, "NEH NEH!"
Immediately, you will noticed some people hiding their smiles in the reflection. Well, at least the word "neh neh" is not something offensive, rather it is a meaning of "brother", so not yet a situation whereby i need to dig a hole in the ground and hide there.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
One day i decided to train Bernice to throw unwanted stuff into the dustbin. So after a few pieces of waste paper was delightfully torn by her, i said: " Now throw all the papers into the dustbin." She turned around to look at me once, her eyes lighted up and in a second, she scooted off with one waste paper to throw into the dustbin. Then she clapped her hands telling me in a way that she has done a good job. I was immediately beaming inside me and proud of myself that i had achieved my purpose effortlessly. Soon, after all the pieces of papers on the floor were religiously thrown by her, she came back to the same spot and realised that there was no more for her. Then she waved her hand and said, "no more..." I said to her as i bend to tidy up some toys on the floor, "Ok, before we go to bed, we need to....." Before i could finish my sentence, she picked up one of her toys on the floor and proceed to throw into the dustbin! To and fro, she repeated this despite me stopping her and seeing me taking back every single toy that she threw. Poooof, I decided to put an end to my exhaustion by putting an end to this. I held her up and proceeded to the bedroom. It is bedtime!
Such acts would have gone undetected or mean nothing for some people, but they greatly perked up a dull day of mine:)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I Love My Baby!
Sometimes i wonder to myself how such a lovely baby came from me, though many times her defiance and hyper-activeness drive me nutz. I might be one of those uninteresting or un-funniest, passive and stepford person on earth, but she seems to be the complete opposite of me. Well maybe she takes some of the daddy's genes, but definitely with her own persona.
She is adorable and i love her so when i first held her in my arms on 2 may 2008.
She is adorable and i love her so when she took her short tentative steps and slumped onto my arms.
She is adorable and i love her so when she hugs my thighs with her tiny hands when i came back from work.
She is adorable and i love her so when she sings along with me (though i don't understand a word that she sings).
She is adorable and i love her so when she smiles and waves her hand saying"den"(no) when i sing to her.
She is adorable and i love her so when daddy came into the room and she proceeds to run away with a cheeky grin.
She is adorable and i love her so when a hair piece was put on her head and she eagerly asked to be seen in the mirror by saying"nice, nice."
She is adorable and i love her so when she imitates daddy's jogging with a panting sound.
She is adorable and i love her so when she swings her body left and right and sings "lalalaa" when she hears the music.
She is adorable and i love her so when we hold her in our arms and she tries to pinch/hit us on the face with a mischievous smile.
She is adorable and i love her so when she tries to feed herself with a spoon but drops 90% of the food on the floor.
She is adorable and i love her so when she pulls my pants and walks behind me.
She is adorable and i love her so when strangers smiled and waved to her when she walked past them.
Bernice, my baby. And now, she is growing up each day. How I love her so.:)
She is adorable and i love her so when i first held her in my arms on 2 may 2008.
She is adorable and i love her so when she took her short tentative steps and slumped onto my arms.
She is adorable and i love her so when she hugs my thighs with her tiny hands when i came back from work.
She is adorable and i love her so when she sings along with me (though i don't understand a word that she sings).
She is adorable and i love her so when she smiles and waves her hand saying"den"(no) when i sing to her.
She is adorable and i love her so when daddy came into the room and she proceeds to run away with a cheeky grin.
She is adorable and i love her so when a hair piece was put on her head and she eagerly asked to be seen in the mirror by saying"nice, nice."
She is adorable and i love her so when she imitates daddy's jogging with a panting sound.
She is adorable and i love her so when she swings her body left and right and sings "lalalaa" when she hears the music.
She is adorable and i love her so when we hold her in our arms and she tries to pinch/hit us on the face with a mischievous smile.
She is adorable and i love her so when she tries to feed herself with a spoon but drops 90% of the food on the floor.
She is adorable and i love her so when she pulls my pants and walks behind me.
She is adorable and i love her so when strangers smiled and waved to her when she walked past them.
Bernice, my baby. And now, she is growing up each day. How I love her so.:)
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Her Indiscernible Cries
My latest wish list:
1) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
2) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
3) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
REcently, why does Bernice suddenly cry long and loud for no discernible reason when she is sleeping? And late at night when everyone is already asleep. It is not that she wants milk, not that her diapers are wet, not that either she is feeling too hot or cold. And basically there is nothing that i do including cuddling her, offering her the favourite pacifier can stop her from howling inconsolably.
Maybe it is the luck of draw that i have a baby who fusses and frets easily or could it be that there is really something that she needs? I only hope that she will outgrow of this soon so that i can restore my restful nights again.
1) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
2) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
3) I want to have undisturbed sleep every night.
REcently, why does Bernice suddenly cry long and loud for no discernible reason when she is sleeping? And late at night when everyone is already asleep. It is not that she wants milk, not that her diapers are wet, not that either she is feeling too hot or cold. And basically there is nothing that i do including cuddling her, offering her the favourite pacifier can stop her from howling inconsolably.
Maybe it is the luck of draw that i have a baby who fusses and frets easily or could it be that there is really something that she needs? I only hope that she will outgrow of this soon so that i can restore my restful nights again.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
In a Dilemma...
Just 2 months back, I was dying to have a second child after my second miscarriage. But today, I am so unsure. It seems to be such a straightforward thing, but yet extremely hard on many levels to reach a decision. To have? Or not to have?
Things to have baby no. 2:
1) Little Bernice will have a companion as she grows up (since she can't be left alone) so she can learn to love and care and to share things with. Will she?
2) I love babies, is so fun to watch them.
Things against baby no. 2:
1) I am so afraid to be pregnant. Not because of the unbearable symptoms that most preggers are concerned about, but the symptoms and conditions that I am not not able to control. I already had 2 failed pregnancies which were totally beyond me. I am phobia.
2) I am already 33 and should have the factory shut by now. My eggs will be deteriorating as compared in my twenties, so chances of success are not looking good, i think.
3) I am scared to have Bernice no.2! She is enough for me to handle, let alone 2 of the same kind. On the other hand, I am afraid the new baby will be a total contrast of Bernice in terms of her intelligence. Will I be lucky all the time?
4) I want some personal space for myself. Bernice is already taking up most of my free time, I cannot imagine a second one to add on, even if he/she is an easy one. But yet when i don't spend time with her, guilt swept over me. I wonder what's wrong.
5) I am finally regaining some forms of sanity/routines in my life since the birth of the little one. Have no wish to upset it again. Wonder if it is selfish of me.
6) The maid's contract is going to end in 10 months' time. MIL might not be able to cope looking after another baby alone.
7) I treasure the time spent and the special bond with Bernice that I never want to give up anything for it. I am afraid another baby will take away the special feeling I have for Bernice and vice versa.
7 unfavourable conditions against 2 favourable. The decision should be clear, but yet I am still in such a dilemma. What has got over me?
Things to have baby no. 2:
1) Little Bernice will have a companion as she grows up (since she can't be left alone) so she can learn to love and care and to share things with. Will she?
2) I love babies, is so fun to watch them.
Things against baby no. 2:
1) I am so afraid to be pregnant. Not because of the unbearable symptoms that most preggers are concerned about, but the symptoms and conditions that I am not not able to control. I already had 2 failed pregnancies which were totally beyond me. I am phobia.
2) I am already 33 and should have the factory shut by now. My eggs will be deteriorating as compared in my twenties, so chances of success are not looking good, i think.
3) I am scared to have Bernice no.2! She is enough for me to handle, let alone 2 of the same kind. On the other hand, I am afraid the new baby will be a total contrast of Bernice in terms of her intelligence. Will I be lucky all the time?
4) I want some personal space for myself. Bernice is already taking up most of my free time, I cannot imagine a second one to add on, even if he/she is an easy one. But yet when i don't spend time with her, guilt swept over me. I wonder what's wrong.
5) I am finally regaining some forms of sanity/routines in my life since the birth of the little one. Have no wish to upset it again. Wonder if it is selfish of me.
6) The maid's contract is going to end in 10 months' time. MIL might not be able to cope looking after another baby alone.
7) I treasure the time spent and the special bond with Bernice that I never want to give up anything for it. I am afraid another baby will take away the special feeling I have for Bernice and vice versa.
7 unfavourable conditions against 2 favourable. The decision should be clear, but yet I am still in such a dilemma. What has got over me?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining"
It seems that the flu bug or whatever bug has a liking for Bernice. Almost every month since she turned 6 months old, she has been down with the flu bug, once even with the Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease!
Last Tuesday, the little girl was hit again with an on-off spike fever for the next 5 days. Despite giving her nurofen and paracetamol, her temperature spiked to a peak of 39.5 degrees C during two of the nights. So in the morning we rushed her to the nearby paediatrician whereby we were told that she could be having a viral infection in the throat (her throat was very red) or it might be a dengue fever. In order to diagnose, she needs to have her blood tested, which means finding her tiny veins to poke through the needle! Hence, an arrangement was made and we brought her to the polyclinic at tampines on saturday. During the process, though I was not beside her (i was told to wait outside) I felt like crying to hear her pleading cries and screams, imagining her struggling, as I waited helplessly outside the door. After the test was done, we rushed back with the report to the paediatrician and she concluded that Bernice has a viral infection and that we just have to let it run its course. The lab result for the dengue fever will be out in a few days' time and we will be informed accordingly. Meanwhile we heaved a sign of relief knowing that it wasn't anything serious.
However during that night we noticed that she started to have some red spots around her forhead and face. The next day, more red spots appeared and soon her whole body, arms and legs were covered by them. We panicked and had her sent back to the paediatrician on monday morning. The paediatrician again concluded that the red spots look more like heat rash and that sometimes will appear after a fever. With antibiotic, she was sent home, but we were told to monitor the fever though it was low-grade, and that if it hasn't settle by thursday, she has to be admitted to the hospital.
Thank God that the fever has settled on the very same day and the little girl seemed more cheerful. The lab result for dengue has also shown negative. She is soon slowly gaining back her appetite and be her active self. Throughout this ordeal of her illness, I felt so inadequate each time I forced milk and medicine down her throat, to settle her cries during her sleep and seeing her looking all lifeless and sad.
Other that that, I just feel tired and drained looking after her, waking up at odd hours at night to manage her cries as well as to feed her medicine and check on her temperature. It is a new sense of vulnerability, feeling so helpless to see her in such discomfort and not getting better, something which I've not experienced before I became a mother. Luckily for me, I have a wonderful mother-in-law who is willing to help me take some of these burden.
All I wish for the little girl is for her to be well and happy and I am just trying my best to provide her with the space to grow, activities to learn and helping her grow up to be a well-adjusted, well-rounded happy kid.
Recently I've read something which pretty much described my feelings these days. Below is what I have summed up.
Be contented for happy moments,
Be brave during difficult moments,
Worship God at quiet moments,
Be thankful for every moment.
Last Tuesday, the little girl was hit again with an on-off spike fever for the next 5 days. Despite giving her nurofen and paracetamol, her temperature spiked to a peak of 39.5 degrees C during two of the nights. So in the morning we rushed her to the nearby paediatrician whereby we were told that she could be having a viral infection in the throat (her throat was very red) or it might be a dengue fever. In order to diagnose, she needs to have her blood tested, which means finding her tiny veins to poke through the needle! Hence, an arrangement was made and we brought her to the polyclinic at tampines on saturday. During the process, though I was not beside her (i was told to wait outside) I felt like crying to hear her pleading cries and screams, imagining her struggling, as I waited helplessly outside the door. After the test was done, we rushed back with the report to the paediatrician and she concluded that Bernice has a viral infection and that we just have to let it run its course. The lab result for the dengue fever will be out in a few days' time and we will be informed accordingly. Meanwhile we heaved a sign of relief knowing that it wasn't anything serious.
However during that night we noticed that she started to have some red spots around her forhead and face. The next day, more red spots appeared and soon her whole body, arms and legs were covered by them. We panicked and had her sent back to the paediatrician on monday morning. The paediatrician again concluded that the red spots look more like heat rash and that sometimes will appear after a fever. With antibiotic, she was sent home, but we were told to monitor the fever though it was low-grade, and that if it hasn't settle by thursday, she has to be admitted to the hospital.
Thank God that the fever has settled on the very same day and the little girl seemed more cheerful. The lab result for dengue has also shown negative. She is soon slowly gaining back her appetite and be her active self. Throughout this ordeal of her illness, I felt so inadequate each time I forced milk and medicine down her throat, to settle her cries during her sleep and seeing her looking all lifeless and sad.
Other that that, I just feel tired and drained looking after her, waking up at odd hours at night to manage her cries as well as to feed her medicine and check on her temperature. It is a new sense of vulnerability, feeling so helpless to see her in such discomfort and not getting better, something which I've not experienced before I became a mother. Luckily for me, I have a wonderful mother-in-law who is willing to help me take some of these burden.
All I wish for the little girl is for her to be well and happy and I am just trying my best to provide her with the space to grow, activities to learn and helping her grow up to be a well-adjusted, well-rounded happy kid.
Recently I've read something which pretty much described my feelings these days. Below is what I have summed up.
Be contented for happy moments,
Be brave during difficult moments,
Worship God at quiet moments,
Be thankful for every moment.
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Little Gal's Milestones
Now that my little gal, Bernice is already 13 months old, I thought it is time to write about her developmental milestones before they are all erased from my poor memory.
These days she has turned into an active toddler, and anything but the peaceful bundle she used to be. It seems only yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital wrapped in a baby blanket. The memories of making her sleep in order to feed her milk (becos she rejected milk if she was awake when she turned nearly 3 months old) is still so fresh. Now she will be all over the house, opening cupboards, drawers and cabinets and there has to have an object such as a pen, plastic spoon or some container in her hands. She also likes to climb up and down our king's size bed and to roll all over it which scare the hell out of me. Shaking violently our standing lamb and fan and giggles happily away is another one of her favourite playtime.
So, I better jot down some of these before I am to old to remember:
At 4 months: Had her first taste of solid food(rice cereal)
At 5 months: Sitting on walker
At 6 months: Sitting with support
At 7-8 months : Unsupported sitting
At 9 months: First teeth popped out
At 10-11 months: Supported walking(with minimal crawling)
At 12 months: Tentative walking, sometimes with one hand held
At 13 months: Walking well
Well, at this point of time, these are the tasks that she can perform well:
1) Obligingly wave good-bye and "blank kiss" when going home or others are going home. Do a "hi-five" when asked.
2) Pointing to lights and clock, hands and legs correctly when asked.
3) Able to call "Papa, Mama and Ah Ma, Cat Cat, Dog Dog, Milk Milk, Star Star."
4) Respond to simple questions and command, eg making gesture of "don't want" by means of waving her hand and saying "None"(actually should be "No", I think).
5) Scribble purposefully on paper with a pen/pencil.
6) Likes to push, throw and knock everything down.
7) Walks up and down the slope/staircase with her hand held
8) Recognizing and pointing to herself in the mirror.
9) Feeds herself with fingers, and also showing interest in feeding with spoons and forks.
10) Sit down on a small stool or chair.
11) Can cooperate a little with dressing by keeping still or lifting up her hands or legs with asked.
12) Likes to explore drawers and boxes to see what is inside.
13) Play side along others with or without interacting.
14)Resist bedtime, usually sleeps at 11-11.30pm.
So, that's my little girl. I hope to see her grow up soon, look forward to seeing her don her graduation gown, then i know i have fulfilled my duties as a mother. Yet i think i will miss her as she is now.. the forever active and mischievous girl. Whatever is the case, i still love her ginormously.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Beginning
It has been 13 months now since my little munchkin arrived on 2 May 2008. It was then that I thought I should start a blog about her so that as i age, I can reflect on the little things that has happened.
However it wasn't until now that I managed to overcome my inertia to summon my motivation to just do it.. to create this blog. Perhaps it is because I always believe that I do not have the flair in writing, or maybe I am just plain lazy, or it might be that our daily lives are as most mundane as on earth, so nothing to blog about, or perhaps...but heck, I had started writing now.
Well, for a start, just a pic of me and my little terror, oops.. I mean princess.
However it wasn't until now that I managed to overcome my inertia to summon my motivation to just do it.. to create this blog. Perhaps it is because I always believe that I do not have the flair in writing, or maybe I am just plain lazy, or it might be that our daily lives are as most mundane as on earth, so nothing to blog about, or perhaps...but heck, I had started writing now.
Well, for a start, just a pic of me and my little terror, oops.. I mean princess.
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